Paramore introduced us into the new year of 2009. along with the fireworks and drunken yells of HAPPY NEW YEAR HAPPY NEW YEAR OUCH THAT HURT...WHOOO...OOOOH...AHHH... MORE FUCKING SPARKLERS!!!!... etc. etc.
yes we were indeed just a bit drunk. just a little bit.
so that's how my new year started. partying with my best mates, the ones that had actually stuck with me, put up with me, accepted me for who i was throughout the year of 2008. and i love them so much for it. thanks guys. i owe you one. a big one.
yet, the year of '09 isn't starting off as perfectly as i hoped. i'm still left wondering in a lot of areas in my life, still left thinking if i should move on, or if i should give it another go, or if i should try and forget, and block out whatever it is that eats me up. i try and take deep breaths, and say, "you can do it, you can do it" i try and convince myself things will be better once i start school. and i'm sure they will. but i think i know what i need to do, after much thought. because i can't change the way people think of me, or if they want to push me away, i can't change that, as hard as i try.
because i don't want to be an idiot anymore. because i know that now, more than ever, the one that you want to save you, will sometimes not be there. you have to save yourself.
and that no matter who i am, what i do, or what is happening in my life... i have to learn to live my life. my life.
and that's what i learnt on the first day of '09.
Deep. Far-deep.
ReplyDeleteYou can probably tell i've gotten home, jumped on the computer, and done my rounds.. Myspace, facebook, blogs, hence why you will wake up in the morning and get a mother-load of comments and responses! Woo! Flooded!
Heavy stuff to be learning on the first day of the year!
Want to know what i learnt?!
ABSINTHE (yes, again) IS THE DEVIL OF ALL DRINKS, i say!
evil, Evil, EVIL, EVIL!!!
Not wanting to be an idiot is, i think, a grandoise idea, one which, by thinking, in itself is achieving. For one not to be an idiot you'd have to first understand foolishness, and ergo understand that to become wise, you...
Shit. Lots my train of thought.
Ahhh-crap.
Ohh well.
Good blog. Made me think. Which was like trying to run an engine without oil.. hence the siezed up think...
And now, to bed!
Night
xxooxx
-C. Murray