Two Cents Worth

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my inspiration to write comes from many things. what i see in a day. what i experience in a day. what i think in a day. the things i can capture with a camera in a day. who has been with me in a day. but most of all, things that have just, happened.  

and it always seems to me that i view things in the middle.

all seems hard when you're looking at things from in the middle. things seems different. everything is different. but more so from the middle.

perhaps we should start looking from the start and make our way to the end, instead of starting in the middle. it would make more sense, non?

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it's not that i don't like the internet. hell, it makes up 78.35% of my social life. without it, i'd be a recluse, a hermit, unknown to the world, and the world unknown to me. but right now, it feels like the internet is driving me into a state of demented boredom. i want to be doing things, i want to look nice, and get dressed up all the time, do things i've not done before, spend money, go camping... all those things.

but because i'm tied down with things i must do, i feel like something has been stolen from me. could well be a childhood that i've always wanted to live. because it feels like, most of my childhood, has been either working for a business, or taking care of a family that, as selfish as it may sound, should have taken care of it's own children, not vice versa. but what good is feeling sorry for myself? i'm doing something about it now.

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i've made it common knowledge to most people that i do not appreciate having to rely on other persons for comfort, for charity, or for sympathy. i loathe self pity, and dependency. and i've always thought to myself, that if you want something done, just go damn well do it yourself, because it's your choice whether you want to change or not. no point whinging about it all the time. and if you feel that you can't change a situation, then don't start complaining about it. don't start saying that it's useless, nothing will change. either do something, to yourself, or to help the situation change, or shut up and wait it out. because no one else want's to hear a goddam thing about it.

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i am constantly changing, even if the people and it's surroundings are not. and i don't give two cents what anyone thinks anymore. i'll wear what i want, say what i want, think what i want and give a damn about who i want.

and i can say i give a damn about you, so there you are.

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