Christmas Day Eve.

Strangely enough, the time when i know i should have something to write about... nothing comes to mind. 

i could indeed write about Christmas day, because it is, after all, Christmas. i could write about what i did today. like how i baked shortbread late last night because i felt like it. or how i made rocky road and almond sweets because i was home alone most of the time. i could write about how i absolutely had to check my phone every eighteen minutes today because i was hoping that certain people would have wanted to contact me. or how i kept conjuring up images of myself as a wife serving my special mulled wine to guests at the annual christmas gathering...and then saying to myself "too far, too far.".  i could write about the people i thought about, like what they were doing, how they were feeling, then realising that i could answer that latter thought. they were feeling merry. i could write about the things i wish i could be doing, or, the people i could be seeing. or the movies i wanted to see. or how i kept looking longingly at the moonlight cinema guide, dreaming of nestling up to someone while watching something under a clear sky. i could write about how i was imagining New Year's to be like...again. i could write about how i kept reminding myself that good things take time in the end. that life can be beautiful...it can be. i just need to keep faith.

i could write about how family seems to diminish nowadays. or i could write about how i kept wanting to climb onto the roof as usual and just watch the sun go down. i could write about how there was mistletoe at the front door, but then i took it down because there really was no actual point in having it there. i could write about the movie i plan to watch on telly, Ever After, and wish how life were a movie. i could even write about how i was tempted to go for a walk to the bridge and count the cars going under like i have countless times, lost in thought...

and then i realise... i've written my first entry whilst not actually writing anything at all. just a string of word vomit.

oh my god.

just imagine how the rest of this blog will be like :|

i need mi goreng.  stat.