Title.

Sometimes i’d like it if someone would take me around, see the sights.

Climb flights of stairs to the top of a building to throw paper planes from there.

Sometimes i’d like it if someone brought me my favourite flowers on rare occasions.

Only rarely, because it loses its meaning if it’s frequently done.

Sometimes i’d like it if someone took me on a plane, and flew into the sea.

A clear one, with no life forms in it. i couldn’t bear to kill anything.

Sometimes i’d like it if there was something i was able to hold on to. 

Like a toy that i could take with me everywhere without seeming so disturbed in the mind.

Sometimes i’d like it if i could just disappear into the earth and not have to deal with this.

Turn myself to ash and just be swept away. Literally.

Sometimes i’d like to just say these things without someone telling me that it sounds so sad. 

Because sometimes I'd just like to say shit like this, and not feel fucking guilty for it. To not feel bad for saying it, or feel like i've done something wrong. 

Because no matter what i do, or how hard i try, it will never be enough. 

I'm going to hide. Everything i believed in just disappeared. 

Because in the end, i just want someone to listen, and not to judge. I want someone to stop caring about themselves, stop talking about themselves, and just fucking listen.

No one, will be waiting for me.  I wish i could just sleep forever.

Silence

I'm not sure this is right.

Because when he finds someone else...

I know i'll leave. Whether or not i have to.

I'm so tired.

I carry a lot of scars.

Virus Repeat

Listen to me.

It's a constant.

I never stop thinking.

Middle

In the middle of it, you don't have much choice. In the middle of it all, you have two pages that stare you down.




Should you forget, supress it all. To understand and respect  that they have no intentions for you, and have no love left. To let them go entirely, completely to the world, so that they find others. So they can forget it all. So that they don't need to worry about you, or think of you. So that they find some peace within themselves, or through another. So they can live, and breathe. So they don't need to see you. So they can be happy. Without you. Because it's better for them.

Or should you hold on, and wait. Because the belief held that things will be ok is so strong, and that some  loyalty and love should still live on in the world. Because it doesn't matter what baggage they carry with them, you'll still see it through. Because you believe in them. Because nothing is perfect, and that's ok. Because you just want to be with them, they mean that much. Because no matter how much time passes, you know you can't forget them. Stab.





You just want them to be happy.

 But there is no space for selfishness anymore. Selfishness breeds loathing. So you slip quietly out of their life, possibly forever. A little bit more wastes away within. No other person will enter.
A smile is always worn. No one needs to know the truth.
No decision is made.

In the middle of everything, nothing seems beautiful anymore.

An Apology From a Promise

I regret so much.

I wish i could get on a plane, and get away from here.

I don't know if this is right.

I wish no one knew me.

Stop crying. Stop it.

Pull yourself together, you idiot.

You fucking idiot.

I don't want this anymore.

FUCK.

Just let me fade away from everyone.

Something.

She's good for something. She just doesn't know what anymore.

No one ever looks at Stars nowadays.

While everyone sleeps, She walks these cold streets.

It's the only time to think clearly. When everyone has left.

In solitude, what's found. Silence. Anger. Pain. Frustration. Sadness. She Wept.

 The Freeway like an endless River.

 Her body melted into the Road.

And then; Peace.



While everyone sleeps, I watch over the Night.
And think of the Sea.

Congratulations

Alongside some of the most amazing musical geniuses.

You deserve it. And so often you don't believe it. You should believe it.

I'll be watching from the crowd, my eyes on you... With your eyes on everyone.

Because that is how life works. Whilst one will stay, the other will go.

The gap is widening. Widening. Widening. 

I wish. I wish...

No more. I'm done with the rest. I'm staying. It doesn't matter.

Those stilled memories on the wall, shouldn't be there.

Breathe deeply. Breathe.

I'm here. I am here.

And so proud and happy for your gift.

Done.

I'm not sure who to talk to.

Or if i should even talk.
You have no idea how much i'm hurting.
You have no idea how much i'm lying to keep you happy.
To keep you away from my pain.
I just want you back here.
But you're too tired to think anymore. You don't ever think of me, then.
I go to bed alone, tears. I wake up alone, tears.
I can't keep waiting next to the phone. Hoping that you'll contact me.

I wish you would. I really...


 I can't do this anymore. I can't. I wish i didn't hate you as much as i loved you right now.

I hate what you've done to me. But i could never hate you. I hate that.

JJS

There won't be sad words. 

Nor any drama.

I am stopping myself outright.

It was a factor that made this happen.

The violins have stopped playing, and i can't get them to play anymore.

The world keeps spinning, when i would like it to stop.

The lines and features of man, etched and burnt into my memory.

 And the thought that it was me all along.

There are so many things unfinished. Yet started.

That's what i remember most.

That's what stops me from reaching out.

If i blinked, if i breathed, if i moved, it had meaning.

I want the music to start again.

It won't start again.

I did this. 

Constant tears.

No sad words. Forced smile.

I am the Human Chameleon.

Again.

Electric Sea Spider + The Sea

http://www.myspace.com/electricseaspider

 You don't have a clue about how The Sea believes in you.

(\ /)

( . .)

c('')('')

Still There

Never habituate. That's what I'm living by. To never reside within one place and feel as if it were home. Because it doesn't feel like home. Not yet. For there is so much beauty I have to see, to explore, to smell, to feel, to soak in. Can you forgive me?

I'll call you from a telephone box. I don't know where yet. But through the hazy night, when my drunken legs and mind carry my self, my numb body, I'll call you when I get there. Because somehow, I'll be safe in the night. I'll call you from a telephone box.

And when I come back, I'll sit next to the flimsy paper that recorded it all. I'll be to scared, too shy to look. I'd like to think that maybe I was wrong. But I know I'm not. Nor are you. It was the thought of you that brought me here. If only for a while.

An Unloved's Rejoice.

I realise that love isn't all that splendid. I took my time in realizing that didn't I.

I'm a romantic, but only in love with the idea of love. Nothing more. Love is too complicated, and i'm not up for any more complications in my life.

Love should be simple. Like good home cooked food, and hugs.  Like footsteps walking on paths. 

Like Sunflowers.

Love should be un-complicated. No more searching. I like the peace, and i like the quiet.

I like my silence, and i like being alone, having the world to myself for a while.

... This should be interesting.

Breaking Fragile Items, To You.

Whilst throwing around some rather incredulous words at people, i'd like to say:

People try to understand you, and they're trying to reach out for you. We are listening for solutions, and all the hanging cranes and cds and planes are only momentary lapses. 

This is a letter to you, of impossible things to come. It's not a warning, or a welcome. It's not anything at all, but a smile.

Mixtapes and mash-ups are the only thing that matter to you, and that's what is so beautiful.

Just make sure that you're safe.

I just want you home, happy.

TrainWrecker

Impulsively, crammed into a corner, black and white filtering the eyes. Staring at innocuous figures from the metal confines. A misshapen line separates the dark from what would be light. A near equal passing of the mind. Wave. Smile. Snap. Click. It moves on.

And a blue light filters across the stage, along with its lines and wires in serpentine fashion, sprawling like disease. It is needed disease. They speak 'We are what you need.' Bare feet running, as glittering girls stalk, following a hopeful answer. Follow the lines. Strangling. Straggling. Doped up. Confusion. Blare.
The light carries on.

Peace is a blurred vision, shadowing a stark backdrop. If only the hands could dial and focus. If only a blurred vision was beautiful. To take a hold and shake violently an absence of shock, creating extremities   within the mentality of faith. A likeness of a paranoid spider, of a courageous plant. There is nothing. Whispering. If only. If only. Decay.

All the while, dead bodies float and collapse. Cold and alone, children cry out, tired and incapable. There is no thought anymore. Enough of the world, enough to drop into the grey, the lines, the peace. Quietly caressing the tiled ground. Ultimately fallen. Defenseless. Asleep. Sleep. Surrender.