Title.

Sometimes i’d like it if someone would take me around, see the sights.

Climb flights of stairs to the top of a building to throw paper planes from there.

Sometimes i’d like it if someone brought me my favourite flowers on rare occasions.

Only rarely, because it loses its meaning if it’s frequently done.

Sometimes i’d like it if someone took me on a plane, and flew into the sea.

A clear one, with no life forms in it. i couldn’t bear to kill anything.

Sometimes i’d like it if there was something i was able to hold on to. 

Like a toy that i could take with me everywhere without seeming so disturbed in the mind.

Sometimes i’d like it if i could just disappear into the earth and not have to deal with this.

Turn myself to ash and just be swept away. Literally.

Sometimes i’d like to just say these things without someone telling me that it sounds so sad. 

Because sometimes I'd just like to say shit like this, and not feel fucking guilty for it. To not feel bad for saying it, or feel like i've done something wrong. 

Because no matter what i do, or how hard i try, it will never be enough. 

I'm going to hide. Everything i believed in just disappeared. 

Because in the end, i just want someone to listen, and not to judge. I want someone to stop caring about themselves, stop talking about themselves, and just fucking listen.

No one, will be waiting for me.  I wish i could just sleep forever.

Silence

I'm not sure this is right.

Because when he finds someone else...

I know i'll leave. Whether or not i have to.

I'm so tired.

I carry a lot of scars.

Virus Repeat

Listen to me.

It's a constant.

I never stop thinking.

Middle

In the middle of it, you don't have much choice. In the middle of it all, you have two pages that stare you down.




Should you forget, supress it all. To understand and respect  that they have no intentions for you, and have no love left. To let them go entirely, completely to the world, so that they find others. So they can forget it all. So that they don't need to worry about you, or think of you. So that they find some peace within themselves, or through another. So they can live, and breathe. So they don't need to see you. So they can be happy. Without you. Because it's better for them.

Or should you hold on, and wait. Because the belief held that things will be ok is so strong, and that some  loyalty and love should still live on in the world. Because it doesn't matter what baggage they carry with them, you'll still see it through. Because you believe in them. Because nothing is perfect, and that's ok. Because you just want to be with them, they mean that much. Because no matter how much time passes, you know you can't forget them. Stab.





You just want them to be happy.

 But there is no space for selfishness anymore. Selfishness breeds loathing. So you slip quietly out of their life, possibly forever. A little bit more wastes away within. No other person will enter.
A smile is always worn. No one needs to know the truth.
No decision is made.

In the middle of everything, nothing seems beautiful anymore.

An Apology From a Promise

I regret so much.

I wish i could get on a plane, and get away from here.

I don't know if this is right.

I wish no one knew me.

Stop crying. Stop it.

Pull yourself together, you idiot.

You fucking idiot.

I don't want this anymore.

FUCK.

Just let me fade away from everyone.

Something.

She's good for something. She just doesn't know what anymore.

No one ever looks at Stars nowadays.

While everyone sleeps, She walks these cold streets.

It's the only time to think clearly. When everyone has left.

In solitude, what's found. Silence. Anger. Pain. Frustration. Sadness. She Wept.

 The Freeway like an endless River.

 Her body melted into the Road.

And then; Peace.



While everyone sleeps, I watch over the Night.
And think of the Sea.

Congratulations

Alongside some of the most amazing musical geniuses.

You deserve it. And so often you don't believe it. You should believe it.

I'll be watching from the crowd, my eyes on you... With your eyes on everyone.

Because that is how life works. Whilst one will stay, the other will go.

The gap is widening. Widening. Widening. 

I wish. I wish...

No more. I'm done with the rest. I'm staying. It doesn't matter.

Those stilled memories on the wall, shouldn't be there.

Breathe deeply. Breathe.

I'm here. I am here.

And so proud and happy for your gift.